abuse Archives - Married 2 a Monster

February 19, 2019February 19, 2019

My Lie – Words from the Monster

As I mentioned in an earlier post, twenty-some years ago I decided not to disclose to my wife the infidelities I committed. My lie.

There was a window of opportunity when I should have disclosed all. I had just resigned my position at work in total shame because of a sexual harassment allegation, which I am ashamed to admit. In fact, I had not committed any physical violation, or for that matter, anything that I thought warranted the charge. I had some “inappropriate” conversations while on the job and an allegation was filed.

February 1, 2019June 13, 2019

I am afraid of my husband

Married2aMonster — Many years I walked on eggshells due to his rage outbursts.

I am afraid of my husband.

In my last post, I touched on anger and abuse. Today, I want to address fear.

I am afraid of my husband.

I never, ever thought I’d utter those words. But as the memories of abuse flood me, that fear is real.

Why? He never hit me.

I told him the other day I wish he had.

If my monster had hit me 21 years ago when he was on what we now know call his “Narcissistic Bender,” I would have taken our kids and left. Never, ever would I allow a man to hit me. Ever.

If my monster had hit me, I wouldn’t have endured years of verbal and emotional abuse.

For that, I am so very, very angry at him.

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I am afraid of my husband.

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