His lies

… wherever there is evil, there’s a lie around. Evil always has something to do with lies.” M. Scott Peck, M.D,

People of the Lie

A moment of clarity came over me this week – over the course of a few days.

Processing all the hurt and damage from the monster’s abuse has been painful. The moments of clarity, while good, tend to have me feel anger all over again.

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Sex, Supply and Sourcing – More Pain Caused by NPD

supply
Sex, supply and sourcing – nothing’s a surprise with NPD.

Once again, I find myself livid over my monster’s past actions. If the infidelities weren’t enough, he had been “sourcing supply” off and on for years. And while he says he wasn’t aware of what he was doing while seeking supply, the damage is done – especially since he received an email today from one of the women he’d been chatting with.

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I am afraid of my husband

Married2aMonster
Many years I walked on eggshells due to his rage outbursts.

I am afraid of my husband.

In my last post, I touched on anger and abuse. Today, I want to address fear.

I am afraid of my husband.

I never, ever thought I’d utter those words. But as the memories of abuse flood me, that fear is real.

Why? He never hit me.

I told him the other day I wish he had.

If my monster had hit me 21 years ago when he was on what we now know call his “Narcissistic Bender,” I would have taken our kids and left. Never, ever would I allow a man to hit me. Ever.

If my monster had hit me, I wouldn’t have endured years of verbal and emotional abuse.

For that, I am so very, very angry at him.

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