His lies

… wherever there is evil, there’s a lie around. Evil always has something to do with lies.” M. Scott Peck, M.D,

People of the Lie

A moment of clarity came over me this week – over the course of a few days.

Processing all the hurt and damage from the monster’s abuse has been painful. The moments of clarity, while good, tend to have me feel anger all over again.

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My Lie – Words from the Monster

My lie

As I mentioned in an earlier post, twenty-some years ago I decided not to disclose to my wife the infidelities I committed. My lie.

There was a window of opportunity when I should have disclosed all. I had just resigned my position at work in total shame because of a sexual harassment allegation, which I am ashamed to admit. In fact, I had not committed any physical violation, or for that matter, anything that I thought warranted the charge. I had some “inappropriate” conversations while on the job and an allegation was filed.

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Disorder – Words from the Monster

Monster NPD Disorder
My disorder made me a monster.

Hello, I am the Monster. My wife has embarked on this blog as a therapeutic way of relieving the pain, grief and outrage that I have caused. I have a personality disorder. I agreed to share in this effort partly because at this point in my life I will do anything to help restore her, and partly to help others from becoming me. I am going to be the alternate side of this blog, while she shares her process of healing on a day-to-day basis, I will be sharing my correction as it is conducted.

I am one who once had everything in the world, and now I’m left picking up the pieces of a shattered life that I, myself, broke. If you are reading this blog because your life has just been destroyed by a discovery or revelation of infidelity, betrayal or realization of abuse, welcome and I am sorry. My wife and I can certainly feel your pain as we are living it in real time. Unlike all the “self-help” books, we have devoured since D-day (name applied to the day of reveal), here you will witness the hellish emotional roller coaster that we ride everyday seeking healing and correction. You, too, will be on this ride in your place. Maybe this will help you to understand that what is about to come or what you are experiencing right now in your life is “normal,” whatever that means.

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